flarenut (flarenut) wrote,

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Cheesy stories I want someone to write

There's a big compost operation not too far from here that's been getting news for allegedly producing contaminated runoff and generally being icky. (They just released the results of a $100K study saying they don't contaminate the local watershed, and given that they're a bunch of ecofreaks in the first place there's little reason not to believe them.) But the part of the story that appeals to me is that the person who filed the initial complaint did it because, she says,  the compost facility is right on top of a native american burial ground.

There's not much doubt it's on rich archaeological turf . Lots of potsherds and some cremation indicators have been found right there -- duh, it's sheltered bottomland with a lake right there for fishing, and has been farmed by europeans since colonial times, with signs of previous cultivation going back a thousand years or so.

So I would just love to see the episode of Kolchak or whatever where some kind of hatchet-wielding garbage monster stalks all the people who have bought compost from the place. Or maybe their vegetables grow in evil vengeance-seeking pixies. Or maybe the monster visits everyone who eats Ben&Jerry's ice cream because they compost a bunch of their liquid waste there. I don't know, I just think it could be a really bad piece of enjoyable camp narrative.

Or maybe the Great Spirit says, "Thanks, that's exactly the right thing to do with the land" and blesses them all with delicious heirloom tomatoes.
Tags: food, writing

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